TWO THINGS FROM PORTLAND.

This sign, on the back of a stall in the Portland airport, shows one of the only official known uses of the term "number two," long known to be slang for "shit" or "poop." Not only does the instructional sign use the terms "#1" and "#2," but clearly defines them for those unfamiliar. Liquid waste. Solid waste. Thanks sign.


The second photo is of the not so great sushi restaurant where we ate on the way to the airport (possibly part of the reason I ended up in a position to take the previous picture). Why was this not a great sushi restaurant? Perhaps because it's sandwiched between a Supercuts and the Companion Pet Clinic. Not exactly the kind of place you want sharing space with your raw fish restaurant. If you can guess what kind of hair is in your california roll, your meal is free. Cat? Dog? Human?

Not pictured: To the left of the Supercuts was a Cash'n'Go check cashing place (do you call that a store? a shop? a business?). The Supercuts was probably psyched to end up in the storefront right next door. Because everyone knows after hippy meth addicts cash their checks, they'll probably want a cheap, generic haircut before going on a two day bender. Gotta look sharp.

Also not pictured: On two separate occasions Portland Embassy Suite hotel employees trying to talk us into going to a sweet drum and bass show. I don't even know what that is.

BACK ON TOP!

Detroit has again been ranked the nation's most dangerous city. Ambitious Flint, MI came in third, just behind St. Louis. I grew up 20 minutes outside of Detroit and in my life have spent probably ten days in the actual city. Why? Because there's nothing there; there's no public transportation--the People Mover doesn't count--and once you get outside of the main downtown area, you can tell things aren't so hot. Liquor store next to titty bar next to Church's chicken next to burned down house, on a street lined with torched cars sprouting trees through the front windshields. Not a pretty picture.

The rise back to the #1 most dangerous city in the nation probably starts with our corrupt mayor. Couple that with the complete abandonment of the city by business and commerce (except for GM, which seems trapped in those towers) and you're looking at a city on the verge of collapse. The Ford Field, Comerica Park, the casinos and a revamped waterfront were supposed to be the start of a renaissance; but when the economy sucks, none of that really matters. Money = safety. It's a simple equation.

Home sweet home.

Of course, some people might tell a different tale. I'm "from Detroit," but really I'm an outsider there. Born and raised in the suburbs, nice and safe. Which is why I'm a coward with zero "street cred."