LITTLE ANGEL.

Looking to cash in on the popularity of recently, fictionally deceased gangster Omar Little, my associate and I have developed a spin-off series starring Omar and other stars of The Wire. If you work for HBO and would like to purchase the idea or hire us as writers, let me know. We're wildly available for such projects.

Little Angel: Series Synopsis

After meeting his death, Omar Little, a Robin Hoodesque, homosexual robber, murderer, and drug dealer finds his soul in a bind. He can't get into Heaven, because we all know they don't take gays in Heaven. And because of his strange code of ethics and his refusal to just be pure evil, the devil won't take him either. So he's banished to limbo, wandering the earth and trying to earn his way into Heaven by way of being an avenging angel.

His earthly associate is Bunk, a play it by the numbers detective, who takes down the criminals Omar doesn't see fit to take with his shotgun. Omar and Bunk have a love-hate relationship. Bunk doesn't like having to take anything from Omar, a former criminal and murderer, but he can't let the criminals Omar turns him onto go free.

Omar roams the streets. Criminal fear him. Citizens fear, but respect him, unsure if he's real or a ghost, avenging angel or wandering madman. He subsists entirely on a diet of Newports and Honey Nut Cheerios, which he either steals or accepts as gifts from those thankful for his brand of justice.

The first episode begins with the much ballyhooed showdown between he and Marlo. That alone would be enough to attract the entire Wire audience. Between Omar's likable brand of street justice, his frequent meetings with representatives from Heaven and Hell, and the gradual friendship that grows between he and Bunk, this is a sure fire winner.

Did I miss anything, Steve?

THE WIRE: SAY IT AIN'T SO.

One more episode?! Don't do it to us. Don't take away our Wire.

HBO, if you don't think I'm a dedicated Wire fan, please be aware that--much to my girlfriend's dismay--I watched last night's episode while drinking a Balashi in my hotel room in Aruba. It's a most enjoyable way to spend a Sunday evening. So when I write to you, I'm writing from the heart.


Last night's episode was pretty great, so I'll just jump to saying what we're all thinking:

With only two episodes left, we knew Lester's efforts were about to pay off. It was a little disappointing that there wasn't any sort of shootout and that there were no real confrontations. Show us Cheese getting pulled over and such. Show us the squad rolling up on Marlo and his reaction. We see the aftermath, when they're already in cuffs, but we've been waiting a long time to see this happen. Take your time and give us the goods.

One of the things that has stuck with me all season is a quote about Michael, from Marlo (I think it was Marlo): Puppy got big paws. Indeed he does. As much as we hate to see Snoop get it, I was glad to see Michael handle that. Too often Marlo and his crew have just acted without real proof of anything, dropping folks left and right (Bodey!) so when Snoop was once again just following orders and met her demise, it was fitting. She best watch herself, though. I have a feeling Omar is waiting whereever it is Snoop is heading.

And couldn't someone have told Marlo that Omar was looking for him!? Look at how mad he got. His name is his name! After seeing him so reserved all the time, it's great to see him get so fired up. Boy is fierce! (not fierce like Christain from Project Runway)

Kima dropped the dime, so McNulty's ball of yarn is about to unravel. Quickly. As in it has to unravel at light speed, because we've only got about 50 minutes left, and you have to share that 50 minutes with Marlo's rampage, Scott's downfall (come on Gus! Pull his card and pull it now!), Bub's newfound glory, Carcetti's whatever the fuck is happening with him and a host of other issues. And, was it just me, or did that preview show the emergence of a real serial killer mimicing McNulty's style? We can only hope Scott and McNulty resort to killing bums and get riddled with the bullets of justice for doing so.

The final Wire of all time is setting up to be a doozy. If only they could give us a 2-hour season finale. I already know I'm going to spend almost the whole episode checking my watch to see just how much more Wire I have in this life. If we're lucky, the universe will be struck by some sort of strange gas cloud which extends time and allows whatever program you're watching to continue infinitely.

THE WIRE: R.I.P. OMAR

Apparently they're really getting ready to end The Wire. And the execs at HBO must not have read my last post on how to end it. Because they killed off Omar! Nooooooooooooo!

In what has to be the most disappointing turn of events this season, Omar met his demise at the hands of an ambitious youngster (who was about to set a cat on fire! Omar should have saved that cat). Hearts and hopes of audiences across America were dampened at the realization that there would be no showdown between Marlo and Omar. Omar would not deliver the style of street justice we had all hoped for. He didn't even get Cheese, which would have been sweet. Instead, he had an unglamorous, almost embarrassing death. But I guess that's the point of it. It's all just senseless violence. Would his death have been any more noble if it had ended in a blaze of glory? With that in mind, combined with the unexpected nature of his death, I have to say I sort of like wrapping up his end of the story like that. Sure, I wanted to see him creep up on Chris, Snoop and Marlo as much as the next guy, but I like to be surprised.

Here's the only face-to-face we ever got from Omar and Marlo, a classic Omar scene:



All I have left to root for now is that Scott gets so thoroughly humiliated he decides to retire from journalism and resort to a sordid, detestable life as an advertising copywriter, where you never have to tell the truth and it's okay--or rather, it's your JOB--to make boring stories seem extraordinary.

Thumbs up to Bunk and Kima, who keep on doing good police work and won't climb on the bound-for-disaster McNulty deception train. If McNulty doesn't get strung up for this ridiculous masquerade, I'll be severely disappointed. After his spineless dealings with that guy who scammed his way to golfing at Hilton Head, I want McNulty to be explosed as a fraud almost as much as I want it for Scott. And how sweet was it when McNulty listened to the FBI profiler read him a description that was a dead ringer for McNulty's pathetic personality. I'm officially on the down with McNulty bandwagon.

I'm also getting a little tired of Carcetti's windbag act. So far, I've seen a lot of talk, a lot of reactive governing and virtually no leadership. He's getting eaten alive by the political system and Baltimore's problems and still doing a lot of talking. When he leaves for the Governor's office, the city will be just where it was before.

And how is it that there's no montage of Senator Clay Davis delivering shiiiiiiiiiiiit on YouTube? That's a video that's begging to be made. Can you imagine how specatular five years of shiiiiiiiit would be?



The preview for next episode make it look like it's going to be bananas, and I guess it better be, since we're wrapping up five years of story in the next two weeks. Until then, I leave you with the immortal words of Baltimore's favorite gay thug Robin Hood.

"Y'all ain't man enough to come down here and dance in the streets with Omar!"

THE WIRE: SO GREAT, SO FAR.

In case you were wondering, I love The Wire. I started watching when the first season came out and I've been hooked ever since. It's safe to say "the shipping port" season was a bit slow, but otherwise I think it's been one of the best shows on television, hands down. Last season, in the schools, was the best of all. This is evidenced by the fact that I watched almost the entire box set in a 24-hour window. Perhaps that's sad, but I think it's glorious.

This year started off strong, but recently I have a few gripes. And hoping that someone at HBO is reading this and can somehow magically alter already-in-the-can upcoming episodes, here are 10 suggestions to help finish the season strong:

1. This McNulty storyline is KILLING ME. Normally, I find the plots and action on The Wire to be pretty realistic and believable (based my extensive experience slinging dope on the rough streets of Baltimore and my other years spent working as a Baltimore city policeman). But this whole manufacturing evidence thing, it's waaay out there. And it's annoying. Please, please, put an end to this before I tie a red ribbon around my wrist and bite my own ass.

2. More Omar! We can never get enough of Omar. I've never felt so attached or affectionate towards a murdering, homosexual gangster. You ain't man enough to come down and dance in the streets with Omar!

4. Scott needs to get his. I know it's coming, but it better be big and bad and humiliating. And while you're at it, Cheese can get his as well.

5. How can you bring the newspaper people into the plot and NOT have the police think of involving them in the investigation? You're short on manpower, you need surveillance, you need people asking questions...use those reporters, you idiots! All you have to do is give them the inside scoop and let'em loose. Shit, they'll practically do your job for you.

6. There should be at least three instances in each episode which prompt Senator Clay Davis to say, "shiiiiiiiiiiiiit."

7. Give Bunk his due. The man works hard and is good at his job.

8. The lesbian mother wannabe story line? No one cares. Drop it.

9. Let Avon Barksdale out of prison. I like Marlo, but that kid has to learn some respect. If Omar doesn't teach him, Avon will.

10. You must stop this OnDemand early release program. I've already had one key moment ruined by it (the end of Prop Joe), and I feel like I can't talk to people for fear they'll spoil the next episode.

That's all. Thank you.