FAMOUS IS FAMOUS.

One saying I've always stood by is "famous is famous." Meaning, it doesn't matter how you get famous--just get it. Of course, there's a difference between the fame achieved through serial killing and that achieved through rescuing 1000 babies from a burning building, but most of the inbetween nets out to just plain famous. A shining example of this theory has come to light in the last few weeks (and yes, I'm going to refer to the Spitzer scandal again).

Ashley Alexandra Dupre.

Ashley has been on the famous is famous plan for awhile, as is evidenced by her appearance on Girls Gone Wild years back. Everyone knows, showing your tits is one way to jump-start your fame. Here's a special look at her GGW stint, with some sort of special VCR slow motion/rewind treatment added in by an ambitious YouTube user who, no doubt, is also trying to get famous.



Girls Gone Wild apparently didn't launch her career the way she envisioned it would, so she took the less-traveled "become a high-priced whore involved with a government official and then get busted" path to fame. This scandal has vaulted her into the limelight and the offers for fame-related gigs are rolling in.


She appeared topless on the cover of the Post. $1 million offered by Hustler to do a nude spread. $1 million was originally offered by Girls Gone Wild for a non-nude spread; then they found they already had Ms. Dupre in their archives. Imagine the luck. Whoever found that bit should get a bonus.

And what's more, she is starting to achieve the type of fame she probably wanted in the first place. As a musician. She's posted songs on Amie Street, where users can buy tunes for $0.98 each. Artists take home 70% of that fee, leaving Ashley around $0.69 per--insert 69 joke here--song sold. As of ten days ago, estimates were that over 300,000 people had visited the site and listened to the song. Who knows how many people bought that piece of crap. And how many hits do you think her MySpace page got? A shit-ton, that's how many.

So is Ashley famous? I would say so. First, I'm blogging about her, as are hundreds of other worthless web-writers. Second, she's on television weekly, if not daily. That might not last long, but most people will remember "Spitzer's whore" for a long time. And third, her song and other web items get a ton of hits. For reference, check the hit counter on this blog on the top right, then compare that to her 300,000 hits. That number over there is not how many people have been here today. That's the total number of people who have been here, ever. And I'd wager it's 1/3 me checking to make sure things look right, 1/3 the same six people (you know who you are, and you're appreciated) checking in, and 1/3 accidental hits from people who quickly click out of it.

Maybe I should start whoring.

MY MAYOR, MY GOVERNOR.

If I were to start my own state, I already have my top officials lined up; two guys who, together, can bring my land the prosperity it deserves--and the corruption that goes along with it.

From my home state of Michigan, let me introduce Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, who was just indicted today on eight counts, including perjury and obscruction of justice. All to cover up a scandalous interoffice affair. KK could end up serving YEARS in prison, unless he somehow manages to get every official in Detroit fired or murdered.


And of course there was the alleged Manoogian Mansion Party, where it was rumored Kwame and his boys got down and dirty with some strippers and such. Of course, the police officers in charge of investigating these allegations were fired and consequently sued the city of Detroit, which settled for $8.4 million. A hefty price tag for a little Mayoral get-together. And if that wasn't enough, there's also suspicion that Kwame and company had a stripper from that party murdered. A lead investigator on the case stated, "I suspected that the shooter was a law enforcement officer, and more specifically, a Detroit Police Department officer." My man knows how to get it done.


If only he had been around to advise the other half of my dynamic duo. Recently resigned from public office, he narrowly beat out Jesse "The Body" Ventura as my selection for Governor of my imaginary state. Introducing the former Governor of New York, Elliot Spitzer. Elliot has fallen on hard times as of late. But I'm sure if he were united with Kwame, serving together in a state that prizes both victory and corruption, the two would usher in an unprecedented era of opulence. Not since Roman times has the world seen such ravenous orgies and celebrations. And since I would be the president of my imaginary state--yes, my state has a president--I would preside over all these affairs. There would be no need to cover up scandal, because cultivating scandal would be a matter of public policy. If there's one thing the public craves, it's scandal.