MOVING PAST THE PENNY.

Are we still living in a world where the value of something has to be broken down to the hundredth of a dollar? Was my pasta and Dr. Pepper today really worth $8.07? No, it was worth $8. Maybe $8.25. Let's start rounding to the nearest quarter. Then I wouldn't sound like the jingle-jangle man stomping around with ninety-three goddamn cents in my pocket.

The penny was invented during a time when a dollar was worth a lot; when spending a whole dollar on something was a real investment. You used to be able to buy a beer at the saloon with a nickel. Now a beer costs five dollars. So do the math. In today's world, five dollars = an old-time nickel. Meaning one dollar = an old-time penny. Meaning one penny today = fucking worthless.

I'm pretty sure we could figure out a fair value for everything on earth--a value that doesn't involve nickels, dimes or pennies. Except for candy.

You probably would still have to price individual pieces of Laffy Taffy or Bazooka Joe gum at $.05. You'd just have to buy a minimum of five. Problem solved.