MASTER CLEANSE.

The master cleanse diet. Perhaps you've heard of it. Perhaps not. Basically, it involves a total halt to the eating of all foods. You survive on a regimen of salt water, lemonade (with Cayenne pepper and maple syrup) and a herbal laxative tea. Not for one or two days, either. For ten days.

If you know me, you know eating isn't my favorite thing. Some days I even consider it a hassle; deciding what to eat, going to get it, actually eating it. I just can't be bothered. Many are the day I've longed for a pill that would provide the same result as a meal. Yet, despite this occasional aversion to eating, I still like food. Chicken wings, pizza, cheeseburgers, anything BBQ or fried, McDonalds, anything soaked in butter, ranch dressing, beer, dr. pepper, steak, milk, salt, hamburger helper. My tastes are for food that will one day lead to my untimely death.

If anyone needs to cleanse their insides, it's me (well, perhaps Brandy needs it more). So I took great interest in tracking the progress of my friend and associate as he attempted to flush his system of all the accumulated shit. Literally. The result seems to be positive, though I'll let you decide for yourself.

Follow the adventures of Nicholas.

Note: It would have been helpful for Nick to provide before and after pics of himself as well as a poop by poop visual tracking of his excrement.

Could I do it? My non-eating lifestyle would lend me to believe I could. Instead of having to make a decision about eating, I would just drink some lemonade. But I don't quite have Nick's resolve. The things I do like, I like a lot. One thing I definitely do not like is having to shit frequently. Even worse is having to dump out strange things that could possibly make me bleed and cry. When Nick decides he's going to do something, he does it, no doubt.

I can barely decide what I'm going to do from one day to the next.

Maybe.

Possibly.

Perhaps.

That's about how committed I am to any one thing.