The Art of Feedback.

Another brilliant seminar offered by my company. Here's the long and short of it, as advertised in an e-mail entitled, "The Art of Feedback":

"Company University will be hosting a class on 'The Art of Feedback' on Thursday September 19th from 10-1 in the Screening Room Conference Room

Self awareness is at the heart of effectiveness. To become aware of how our behavior affects others in the workplace, feedback is critical. This gift of feedback can help us become more effective if we let it. This workshop introduces specific techniques to prepare participants for receiving feedback constructively and willingly, allowing participants to grow and develop within their position and ultimately within the organization.

This session is open to all employees; we will conduct another session later on in the year on giving feedback which will be open to managers only.

Space is limited so please RSVP to this email if you are interested in attending. Breakfast will be provided."

At first I thought it was a seminar on how to tactfully provide feedback to others, but NO, that's a seminar reserved for management. This seminar is to teach you how to receive feedback. The title is really misleading. It should be titled, "How To Do What The Fuck We Tell You And Like It."

I'm offering an alternative seminar in The Art of Feedback. It's much shorter. Here are the notes:

If it's positive-

Daaamn right. You're just as good as you thought you were. Feel free to buy yourself a beer or maybe some new DVDs (or shoes for the ladies) to celebrate someone recognizing brilliance.

If it's negative-

First, try not to pay to much attention to what they're saying. Look like you care and nod your head as if you agree with him/her. In the meanwhile, you should already be thinking about the e-mail you'll send them when you're THEIR boss.

When you're free of whatever asshole was talking down to you, immediately find someone who likes you and talk shit about the person who criticized you. If it's really bad feedback, I suggest going off site to a pub and having a beer while you badmouth the supervisor who didn't appreciate your hard work.

When you get back to the office, you should update your resume and track down your Monster password so you can post it. Once you have given your job hunt a little kick-start, feel free to return to whatever work you apparently weren't doing right. However, you should only work about 60% as hard as you were working before. If they want something to criticize, give it to them.

Please note:

At my seminar there would be no free breakfast.