CREST PRO HEALTH TOOTHPASTE

My inability to make decisions always comes to the forefront while shopping for personal hygiene products. Shampoo, deodorant, shaving cream and especially toothpaste. I know what I like, just a simple, minty paste. No gel, nothing that feels like sand or burning in my mouth, just the most average joe toothpaste available.

But then I get in the aisle and my brain gets confused. Which is more important to fight, cavities, gingivitis or plaque? Which brand is better? Do I need whitening or not? So many questions. And then, this time, there was an answer. Crest Pro-Health Total Care Toothpaste.


There, seemingly, was the perfect toothpaste. The shiny package claimed that this toothpaste fought every mouth ailment known to man. My decision was suddenly made. So what if it looked like a slightly fancy toothpaste, it does everything. Surely it can't taste that bad, it's mint. But then I used it. Ugh. Awful. Unbelievably bad. And to make sure it was awful, my girlfriend tested and confirmed that Crest Pro-Health was, indeed, terrible. The only way I can describe it is that it leaves you with a minty, rotten-milk aftertaste. If you like your mouth, do not ever buy this toothpaste.

Pirates, Still At It.

Fresh off the internet presses at CNN.com: Pirates take four European tourists hostage

It's good to know that pirates are still hard at work, taking hostages, raiding ships, etc. And it's interesting that they're not referred to as terrorists. Seems like most pirate activities are pretty similar to terrorism, the only difference being that pirates operate on the water. People hate terrorists, but we still have some sort of affinity for those sea loving rascals, the pirates. Arrrrrr.

I'm 30, I guess.

I don't really remember the exact day or year I was born, but according to my parents it was June 18, 1978. Which makes me 30 years old as of last Wednesday. I don't feel much different, but apparently people think it's a "big birthday." The best gift I received was from my girlfriend, who secretly put together a birthday video for me. Not some sort of dirty sex video, as I had hoped, but a touching 30 minute video starring my friends and family. She shipped a Flip around the country, carried out secret gatherings and was all around sneaky to gather as much as she could. The result, while a bit long, was a total surprise and blew me away. Thanks.

And to thank everyone who participated, I used said Flip to put together a little video of my own. It's considerably shorter.

All in all, it was one of the best birthday weeks I've ever had. So far being 30 is awesome. Take that, 20's.

THE ULTIMATE MAN COMPETITION WEEKEND THAT IS ALSO A BACHELOR PARTY FOR JON.

So I've taken a long time off. Mostly due to laziness, partially due to spending time working on irateads.com, partially due to other events in life. So here, to kick off what could be another period of active blogging, is a video I cut together with highlights of a recent weekend trip to Michigan.



Events included:

Manathalon
Start with five pushups, sprint 25 yards, slam a beer, sprint 25 yards, pick up a hatchet, while running, throw the hatchet at a stack of wood (time off your score for sticking it in the wood), sprint to finish line.
Winner: Me

Shooting & Shots
Five cans sit on steps of a ladder, with an air rifle, shoot the cans off of the ladder. You must take a shot of beer before every shot you take. Judged on accuracy.
Winner: Me

Tire Throw
Throw a car tire as far as you can.
Winner: Not me, Jamie possibly.

One Man Canoe Race
Chug a beer, get in canoe, race to the other side of a river, touch a log with your oar, row back.
Winner: Me.

Axe Throw
Throw an axe at a tree from different distances. If the axe sticks you get points, based on how far you are from the tree.

Other Games:

Poker Tournament
Pool Tournament
Hot Dog Eating Contest
Getting the drunkest contest
Various points awarded for other man-like things, such as hitting a bird with your car

Planned Games That Never Got Finished Due To Time & Drunk:

100yd Dash Dragging Log
Wood Chopping
Hole Digging
Fishing

Overall winner: Me. Although I kept score. If you ain't cheatin, you ain't tryin.