VIRGINITY FOR SALE.

So awhile ago that story came out about the girl selling her virginity to pay for grad school. And I just realized what I should do about this:

I want to purchase her virginity and then not have sex with her.

Since there would have to be some sort of binding legal contract proclaiming me the owner of said virginity, I would remain the owner until I personally had sex with her. Which means I could put that virginity in the bank and wait five years, ten years, or maybe forever. I could leave her virginity to my children in a will, which would probably not be very valuable, considering by the time I die she'll be old and rotten.

One flaw in this plan is my lack of self control. If there's beer in the fridge, I drink it. On the rare occasions that I have pot, I smoke it until it's gone. So if I owned some virginity, I would definitely use it up.

The other flaw is that I just plain don't have $250,000. Perhaps a church will buy her virginity and ensure she remains pure, which would save her soul from eternal damnation. They can pass around the collection basket, taking donations to the congregation, who would all be part owners of that girl's virginity.