THE WORST ADVICE.

A little over a year ago, having been living in New York a few months, I received what I now have conclusively decided was bad advice. The subject at hand was my wardrobe. For approximately six years I had been dressing almost exactly the same. My wardrobe consisted of a good variety of shirts (t-shirts, button-downs, sweaters, etc), some shoes and khakis. No blue jeans. And my khaki's were always a slightly baggy. I liked the way I dressed. But the girls I worked with did not. They said the following:

"Jim, if you ever want to get laid in New York you need to stop dressing like a fifteen-year old skateboarder and get some blue jeans that fit you."

Translation: Buy blue jeans with a waist size that matches how many inches around your waist really is.

After a few months of not having sex, I figured it would be alright to try out some new pants. I bought some jeans and started to wear them. After awhile I started to really like the way they look. And I did eventually have some sex. The problem is, and was, that jeans with a waist measurement that accurately reflects my true waist size can be tight. Not skin tight, but very constricting around my private parts. It is very uncomfortable and requires a considerable amount of adjustment. It also sometimes leads to excessive sweating in the nether regions.

For a year I dealt with this problem. It occurs on two of the three pairs of jeans I own and I managed to let it slide. But yesterday was the boiling point. Riding the train, all smashed up down there and having to continually stand up and pull down on the jeans to give myself some room, I decided no more. I'm done with my "tight" jeans.

It also made me wonder, how do hipsters and gay guys do it? How in the world can any man wear jeans that are almost skin tight? It is the most uncomfortable thing that can occur from wearing a type of pants. It should be used as a torture in prison. Put people in tight pants and make them sit still for a day. No adjusting! It's torture and I, for one, am not tough enough to endure it for the sake of fashion.

I am wearing my khakis today. It feels awesome.