MOM OR NANNY.

This afternoon while sitting on the balcony overlooking a parking lot in Westport, CT we developed a slight variation on the classic game of "Wife or Daughter." For those of you unfamiliar with Wife or Daughter, it's a game that involves trying to guess if the attractive young woman accompanying an older gentleman is his wife or his daughter. Of course you can never really know, but speculation is good, clean fun.

During the day in downtown Westport, however, the game is slightly altered. Because most of the dads are working and most of the daughters are in school, you can't really play Wife or Daughter. But luckily, the town provides an acceptable substitute. The cars parking in the lot behind our building are loaded with women, strollers and children. The new game: Mom or Nanny. This new game is valid and challenging for the following reasons:

1. Westport is a rich area, where Nannies are very common.
2. Many of the women unloading the children, from far away, look much too young and hot to be mothers of two.
3. Many of the moms do not work, which allows them to go to the gym every day and maintain a body that appears to be that of a young, 22-year old Nanny.

The male contestant considers numerous factors in order to reach his conclusion. Some of the following criteria are commonly used:

-How hot is she? If she's very hot and very young, Nanny is assumed until proven otherwise.
-What color is she? There's no black or Hispanic people in Westport; at least none that are shopping on a Thursday afternoon. So if you're looking at a hot woman of color, you're safe to assume Nanny.
-How old are the kids? The older the kids and the younger the woman, the more likely it is to be a Nanny. If there's two or three kids and she still has a tight body, you have to lean toward Nanny.
-Does her left hand glisten? If the sun causes her left hand to sparkle, it's likely she's wearing a wedding ring and is a Mom.
-Do the kids call her Mom? If you're close enough to hear, this is a dead giveaway and sort of ruins the game.
-If she actually makes purchases at the stores downtown, she's likely a Mom. If she window shops and takes the kids to the park, she could be a Nanny.
-What do you want her to be? If you think she's super hot, you want her to be a Nanny. This means you have a chance and will often cause you to overlook obvious Mom evidence.
-If her car is crappy, it's probably a Nanny and that's probably her car.
-How careful is she with the kids? The more careful she is, the more likely it is she's a Nanny. You don't want to be losing some rich folks' children. But if they're your own, hey, you can just make more.


There are no winners or losers in Mom or Nanny. Although I guess if somehow you approached the subject of debate and ended up having sex with her, you would be winning. No matter which one she was.