MY LAST WISHES.

Over several years I've decided on a very specific course of action to be taken with my body when I die.

First, I want to be cremated. I find the idea of rotting in a little box buried in the earth to be very creepy and disturbing. I want to be good and sure I'm dead. And I think being reduced to a pile of ash will pretty much wrap that up.

Second, I would like to have my ash mailed to my friends all over the world. As many places as possible.

Third, my ashes would be accompanied by instructions as to how said friends should dispose of my ashes.

INSTRUCTIONS:

Dear friend,

How's it going? Obviously better for you than me. Enclosed you will find a portion of my ashes. When you get a chance, please take them to a restaurant near you. Sit at a table and when no one is watching, open the pepper shaker and top off the pepper with my ashes. Please do this at as many restaurants as you can.

Thank you. Sorry I died.

Sincerely, Jim

After this is done, people all over the world will be eating bits of my charred body. Jim on eggs. Jim in soup. Perhaps some Jim on your mashed potatoes? I figure that since I don't know if there's an afterlife and whatnot, this will allow me the best possible chance of coming back to life. By having my ashes absorbed into the bodies of random diners, I can become part of them and perhaps take over their brains. Also, I like pepper. And it's a funny joke.