(AP) New York, NY - In this year's NFL draft, former Notre Dame quarterback Brady Quinn sat solemnly as he watched the Oakland Raiders pass on him with pick number one, the Lions at two, the Cleveland Browns at three, the Miami Dolphins at nine and so on and so forth. The college standout, at one time ranked as the number one quarterback in the draft fell all the way to the twenty-second pick, landing with the Cleveland Browns.
Teams unanimously cited one reason for passing on Quinn in the first round. "Did you see that Hummer commercial?" ex-Miami coach Nick Saban said, "the one that kept playing on the ESPN website during draft coverage? It was horrible. I need someone who can make good decisions; based on that abomination, I can't see anyone ever letting that kid on the field. I wouldn't even play him at Alabama, where I am now the head coach."
A Hummer spokesperson, in response to Quinn's demise, added that had they paid closer attention to their web advertising, they never would have released Brady's commercial. "It made him look like a complete jackass," an unknown source proclaimed, "and consequently made the Hummer organization look like fools for making him a spokesperson."
The Cleveland Browns, who traded up to get Brady at the end of the first round, seemed pleased. "We've had such success with our past draft picks--Tim Couch, Courtney Brown--that we felt safe ignoring the general Brady-Quinn-is-a-jackass consensus that had formed in response to the Hummer ad."
Brady Quinn studied under the heavily cheeseburger insulated Charlie Wiess at Notre Dame, where they both enjoyed numerous unwarranted blowjobs from the national media. The Browns are already looking forward to their next top five draft pick. "We'll probably take another quarterback," said team officials.
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