BIDET.

Recently I was presented with a pretty persuasive argument in favor of using bidets. For anyone who doesn’t know, a bidet is a device used to clean your ass after you make a number two. According to Wikipedia, “A bidet is a low-mounted plumbing fixture or type of sink intended for washing the external genitalia and the anus.” (check one out at http://sanicare.com/biffy.html)



Commonly used abroad, the bidet, for whatever reason, has not caught on in the USA. Not only has it not caught on, but we tend to make jokes about it and look down upon those who make use of this special device.

But let’s take a closer look at our method versus the bidet method. Our way of cleaning up after doing our business is to take some tissue and wipe our ass “until the paper comes up clean.” At least that seems to be the standard. So in essence, we’re just smearing the shit around our ass until you can no longer see it. Doesn't seem to leave you with a very clean behind.

A bidet, on the other hand, sprays refreshing blasts of water into your ass. Maybe even some soap? Which seems to be a far more effective way to wash. If you got some shit on your hand or arm, would you just wipe it off with some paper? No way. You’d scrub that shit off.

So next time you’re talking to some French dude and he’s yammering on about his bidet, think before you make fun of him for being a sissy. Think about how your ass-crack is covered in a thin layer of shit, while his is clean and fresh.

Actually, don’t think about that.