LISTEN UP.

FOOD DELIVERY GUYS

Hey, food delivery guys, why can't you learn to bring change? How many bags of food do you have to deliver before you realize that you can't break a $20 with other $20's? And every time this happens you look up at me, with this shocked look on your face, like you hadn't anticipated this would be a possibility. From now on if you show up without change, I'm paying you in nickels and dimes.

CHEVY

Hey Chevy, do you know what makes people hate you? Playing the same commercial 5000 times in a weekend. Playing your stupid-ass John Cougar Meloncamp song during every commercial break of every sporting event is not good marketing. It's just playing the same shit over and over again and America doesn't appreciate it. Which you should know, since you wave the fucking flag in an almost sickening manner to make us think Chevy = America.

A guy I played poker with tonight may have said it best:

"I hate Chevy now. And after this, I think I'm starting to hate America."

TIGER'S PITCHERS

Hey Detroit Tiger baseball pitchers, what the hell were you doing? Before I get on your case, I'll say that we're still very proud of you. We're not even mad about losing the World Series, where we never expected to be. But we are curious. How can all of you fuck up so bad when attempting to throw the ball to first base? All you do all day is play baseball. And not only that, but your JOB is to throw the ball. It's all you do! So how could you possibly all commit errors on seemingly simple plays? Let's fix that problem in the off-season and come back next year ready to play.