BITCH, NO. ABORTION, YES.

It took me almost a year of using text messaging before I discovered the miraculous T9 function. For those of you still in the dark ages, without going into too much detail, T9 is a function which allows you to type in the word without cycling through each individual letter. So if you want to write "cat" you type 228. The phone will then try and guess what you want to say, using all possible combinations of ABC-ABC-TUV. It allows you to cycle through the options until you find what you want. Great for typing long messages which use words other that "cat."

In using the T9 function, I've come across several words it doesn't recognize, usually slang or cuss words. But on Friday I was writing a message and found that my T9 did not know the word "bitch" but did recognize "abortion." Huh? The programmers thought users of my wireless device would have more use for the word "abortion" than "bitch"? Seems to me that that would be reversed. Or if not reversed, at lease of equal weight. Because you probably use those two in the same text a lot--such as: "that bitch better get an abortion." To me, bitch seems far less offensive than abortion.

So in the interest of science, I've undertaken a study entitled "does T9 know it?"

The results are as follows:

Bitch, no.
Abortion, yes.
Cunt, no.
Tit, yes.
Titty, no.
Boob, no.
Dick, no.
Pussy, no.
Puppy, yes.
Blowjob, no.
Felatio, no.
Asshole, no.
Fuck, no.
Shit, yes.
Penis, no.
Vagina, yes. (No penis, but vagina? Sounds like a college sorority slumber party.)
Pubic, yes.
Heroin, yes.
Marajuana, no.
Bomb, yes.
Cock, yes.
Anal, yes.

And amazingly, cock and anal use the same number code. 2625.

I'm sure there's some more useful words I didn't try. Like "jizz." Wait...nope, it doesn't know jizz. Anyways, I think there should be a number you can text words to in order to have them added to your T9 library. Or at least some sort of function that remembers words you actually take the time to spell out. If I write "bitch" ten times, my T9 should recognize that as a word I'm fond of using and store it in its little memory bank.

Anyways, that's a minor complaint. T9 is still awesome, even if I do have to put my own "penis" in when I want to.

Go Tigers.