SLAM DUNK CONTEST.

Today while conducting my usual important business, I came across a blog post by former Univesity of Michigan basketball player Brent Petway, aka Air Georgia. In it, Mr. Petway was asking fans to send him ideas for this year's D-League slam dunk contest. This, I thought, I can do. So I sent him a few suggestions, but really, I should have only sent him one sample. I think I could make a living as an slam dunk contest consultant. This is the type of flair I can bring to your game:

-Wearing a jersey for Dunkin Donuts (see endorsement deals), attempt to eat an entire jelly donut while in the air. When you land, have an assistant hand you a glass of milk, which you then drink.

-Bring a horse into the arena. We've seen people jump over chairs and jump over other people, but never over a horse. If you wore a cowboy hat while doing this dunk, that would be a nice touch.

-Get a witch hat and a broom. While you're dunking, hold the broom between your legs, like you're a witch. To the audience it will appear you're flying on the broom up to the basket.

-Plant a cell phone on the rim. Then when you dunk, have the television announcer call that number, hang from rim, answer the call and talk to the announcer on national television! This has phone endorsement written all over it. Cut me a check!

-Capes. Never underestimate the value of wearing a cape. When you see someone in a cape, you can only reach one of two conclusions: 1, they are crazy. Or 2, there is something super about them. That's a 50-50 shot at being super.

I need to start patenting this shit.